9-18-13
Creative Writing
Mrs. Hall
It was a calm, flat, nice, sunny day we were sitting on anchor patiently waiting watching the balloons and staring it the sounder. There was a was plenty of bait fish around and the sun was starting to set when I got up to let a little bit more line out on one of the baits. I felt two quick tugs on the line, then the balloon went under and the drag started screaming. We both jumped up started the boat, got off anchor, brought in all of the other lines and we were off. But then things went bad quickly when the fish went for the anchor and the line got wrapped in but the thought quickly and cut the anchor rope untangled it and tied it back together then we were good to go. After about an hour of going and fourth we finally got the fish to the surface it started circle we threw the harpoon and missed the fish went back down. We got it back up pretty quickly and this time we hit. We quickly tail roped it and got it in the boat. Then we gutted it out brought it in and it was time to celebrate while we were waiting for the buyer.
It was a calm, flat, nice, sunny day we were sitting on anchor patiently waiting watching the balloons and staring it the sounder. There was a was plenty of bait fish around and the sun was starting to set when I got up to let a little bit more line out on one of the baits. I felt two quick tugs on the line, then the balloon went under and the drag started screaming. We both jumped up started the boat, got off anchor, brought in all of the other lines and we were off. But then things went bad quickly when the fish went for the anchor and the line got wrapped in but the thought quickly and cut the anchor rope untangled it and tied it back together then we were good to go. After about an hour of going and fourth we finally got the fish to the surface it started circle we threw the harpoon and missed the fish went back down. We got it back up pretty quickly and this time we hit. We quickly tail roped it and got it in the boat. Then we gutted it out brought it in and it was time to celebrate while we were waiting for the buyer.
Lots of good detail Julian. This paints a very clear picture of an afternoon on a fishing boat. Lots of exciting action as you hunt the fish. You might take a few sentences to describe how it looks when it is in the boat. What kind of fish, what are its scales like? Doe sit have a fin? What did its eyes look like. Since the story builds to that moment you might as well stop and celebrate the fish a bit.
ReplyDeleteThis is how I would break it up into paragraphs. (Basically return tab anytime there is a change in time, setting or focus.) Also needed some sentence punctuation, so check out the changes.
EDITED:
It was a calm, flat, sunny day and we were sitting on anchor patiently waiting. We watched the balloons and stared at the sounder. There was plenty of bait fish around and the sun was starting to set when I finally got up to let a little bit more line out on one of the baits.
I felt two quick tugs on the line, then the balloon went under and the drag started screaming. We both jumped up, started the boat, got off anchor, brought in all of the other lines and we were off. But then things went bad quickly when the fish went for the anchor and the line got wrapped in. But, we thought quickly and cut the anchor rope, untangled it, and tied it back together. We were good to go again. After about an hour of going back and forth, we finally got the fish to the surface. When it started circle, we threw the harpoon but missed and the fish went back down. We got it back up pretty quickly and this time we hit. We quickly tail roped it and got it in the boat.
Then we gutted it out, brought it in, and it was time to celebrate while we were waiting for the buyer.
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